When I feel completely emotionally blocked, I take a canvas and throw ugly colors on it without any precise idea. This initial act is a release, a way to free my emotions without worrying about the aesthetic result. There's no need for beauty or precision; the important thing is to get everything out.
Once this first phase is complete, I write down what I feel. It can be words like anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, or any other emotion present at that moment. Writing these emotions is a way to recognize them and give them a concrete form.
Then I wait and let the paint dry. During this waiting time, I reflect on what I have written and painted. This pause is important because it allows me to take a breath and observe what I have created with some distance.
When the paint is dry, I change color and direction. This change represents a new phase of my mood. I let the new colors and movements on the canvas reflect how I feel at that moment. I let myself be transformed by the painting, allowing myself to evolve with the painting.
At this point, I ask myself: what do I need? What do I need once I have emptied myself of these emotions? What do I need now? I often find that these answers are hidden in the painting itself. I observe the images and colors, letting them speak to me and guide me toward greater self-awareness.
I let myself be carried away by the images and colors, by what emerges spontaneously. I listen carefully to how I change inside and out while I paint. Gradually, painting calms me, and I find that peace that settles in my chest. Calm transforms the initial chaos, but there is always something underneath. This chaos is not eliminated, erased, or forgotten; it is part of the transformation of the painting itself. I accept that these emotions are part of me and my creative process.
I calmly observe the internal changes. I imagine the colors as voices, parts of me that ask for some attention. Each color brings with it a different energy, and I let myself be carried away by this energy. As I progress in painting, I see how powerful and effective this experience is.
Painting seems to know what it needs, and so do I. Entering a space of deep listening, everything can take shape. I realize that, in this space, the answers to my questions emerge naturally.
What Can Help Me?
Create a Ritual:
Before starting, I create a small ritual. I might light a candle, listen to specific music, or meditate for a few minutes. This marks the time dedicated to myself and prepares my mind and body for the creative process.
Visual Documentation:
I photograph every phase of the process. This allows me to see the evolution of the painting and my emotions tangibly, creating a kind of visual diary of my emotional journey.
Playing with Different Materials:
Experimenting with different types of colors and materials, such as watercolors, tempera, or collage, can influence my emotional process and offer new perspectives.
Painting is for me the encounter with my most authentic self. It is the space in which I explore and understand every part of myself. For this reason, I feel a great passion for sharing it and making others experience it!
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